Don’t Like Your Stubborn Child? Got Mom Guilt?
Oct 26, 2020
A stubborn child, or strong-willed child is tough to parent! Period. End of story. Yet sadly, many of their moms are plagued by NEEDLESS mom guilt when their patience vanishes. Poof. That’s why I’m so glad you’re here because I’m going share three parenting questions that that can eradicate mom guilt. The best part is that this positive parenting tip will also help you bring more of your your mommy A-game to the table.
Should You Feel Mom Guilt When You Don’t Like Your Stubborn Child?
Here’s the reality: Stubborn kids are tougher to parent! Period. Story end.
Yet sadly, many of their moms are plagued by needless mom guilt when their patience vanishes. Poof. That’s why I’m so glad you’re here because I’m going share three questions to ask that can help eradicate mom guilt. The best part is that it’ll also help you bring your mommy A-game to the table.
So if you’ve got a firecracker of a spirited child living under your roof, who digs their heels in, or questions e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g you say—like the kid who completely ignores the winter boots you put out, but instead wears sandals in the snow, or the one who looks you dead in the eye when you’ve asked them to stop jumping on the couch—only to jump HIGHER—you’ll want to stay tuned.
Hi there. I’m Kelly Nault from JoyfullyParenting.com and the question of whether, or not you should feel mom guilt when you don’t like your stubborn child is tricky, particularly because it rubs up against the myth that mom guilt means we’re more loving moms. And while most of us intellectually know this’s hogwash, many of us still buy into it. I know I did. How about you?
So it was my good friend Marnie—a self-professed type-A gal whose immaculate house looks a little like an art gallery—who inspired me to shift my mom-guilt angst. She’s also the one who knows WAY too many embarrassing things about me—like the Halloween, in University, when I dressed up as a birthday present and it almost fell off.
But, I digress.
So one Tuesday morning, when we both had babes in arms, she shared that she had just left her mother a SOS message. Basically, she stated that if she didn’t get a mom break ASAP her mom’s precious grandkids might not survive until the end of day.
Although she laughed, she was serious about needing a mom break. What struck me, however, was she felt no pangs of mom guilt—zilch. She didn’t even flinch when admitting she really didn’t like her son that day (BTW she really is one of the most fab moms I know, who truly adores her kiddos!).
Now me? I’d have broken out in hives from the stress of admitting I didn’t feel love for my kid 24/7. Instead, Marnie shared what all normal moms feel, confidently asked for help and, more miraculous still, graciously accepted that help. So much healthier than allowing mom guilt to fester. Right?
Unlike my girlfriend, I, a recovering people-pleaser, felt mom guilt just fantasizing about a little time off—you know an uninterrupted shower, a leisurely morning tea, or sleeping in past seven.
The fact is: mom guilt is toxic. It also doesn’t look good on any of us moms. The harsh truth is this: Mom guilt is at best good intentions we do little about, and… at worst, it’s good intentions we don’t REALLY have.
OK, so did my last statement feel like ripping off a band-aid too fast?
Make sure you’re still with me here because if you’ve got a habit of feeling mom guilt it’s important this really lands. So again… mom guilt is, at best, good intentions we do little about and, at worst, good intentions we don’t really have.
Turns out, exorcising mom guilt is so critical to our effectiveness as a happy and healthy mom that this topic lives within the foundational first step of my SMART Mom Path™, called L.O.V.E. Boundaries™. It’s in this module, where we go head to head with mom guilt using three Guilt Busting Questions.
And I want to share these with you now:
The first guilt-busting question to ask is, “What’s my intention?” You’ll have one… you always do.
This sheds light into what’s going on below the surface.
Second, “What do I want my intention to be?”
This question invites us to take the high road by focussing on what’ll bring out everyone’s best, so we don’t get stuck in our unproductive parenting triggers.
Finally ask, “What positive step can I take toward making my intention a reality?”
Here’s an example: Before I was a mother, I was a full-time live in caregiver for two strong-willed and extremely stubborn brothers—both blind from birth. I was kinda like a modern day Anne Sullivan (Helen Keller’s teacher). Seriously, when they weren’t bouncing off the walls, they were literally pounding on them.
Why I overheard one of their teachers refer to them, when speaking with another colleague, as “hell-on-canes.” I kid you not. It was THAT extreme.
Anyhow, after a morning of nagging about keeping cheerios in their mouth and not spitting them at each other, among other inspiring topics—my patience was MIA. And when dropping the kids off at school, I literally ran for the car—like a prisoner bolting for freedom. It had been a doozy of a morning—of a week, actually. I was exhausted to the bone, I didn’t want to be around them and my chronic frustration was over the top. Worse still, I felt heaps of guilt.
So after using the guilt-busting questions. I realized my intention in nagging so much was to gain control—something I had little of. When I asked myself what I wanted my intention to be… I realized it was peace. So I decided my positive parenting step was to take the eight year old, who had recently adopted an Eeyore-like attitude to… everything, on a special after-school date. While this step didn’t magically eliminate his stubborn child issues (and believe you me… he had these in spades), it did eliminate the guilt I felt for disliking him SO much. More importantly, it began to melt the ice of tension between us and was the fresh start we both needed.
So after using the guilt-busting questions. I realized my intention in nagging so much was to gain control—something I had little of. When I asked myself what I wanted my intention to be… I realized it was peace. So I decided my positive parenting step was to take the eight year old, who had recently adopted an Eeyore-like attitude to… everything, on a special after-school date. While this step didn’t magically eliminate his stubborn child issues (and believe you me… he had these in spades), it did eliminate the guilt I felt for disliking him SO much. More importantly, it began to melt the ice of tension between us and was the fresh start we both needed.
Now I’m curious how it’s going with your stubborn child? What triggers you most? Love to hear your comments. Do you feel mom guilt? Is so, how often? And finally, how do you handle it?
BTW sometimes our guilt is magnified by our unique mom style. If you don’t yet know your mom type I invite you to take my FREE ”What’s Your Mom Type Quiz?” and it reveals your secret alter ego. I also invite you to connect with me by subscribing to my YouTube channel, or FB page.
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Kelly Nault
Kelly Nault, MA “I help moms inspire their stubborn children to listen, without yelling, bribes, or caving in, so everyone can finally enjoy a PEACEFUL and FUN home.”
